I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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