update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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