have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
