The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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