I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
