why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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