what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize