He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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