This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
