32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
