just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
