So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
and you fell through a lawn chair
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
