You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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