I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
