i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
