Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
