does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize