You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize