I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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