He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You have to summon your inner elephant
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
