Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
