Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
