i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
