Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
