FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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