You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
