Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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