Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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