@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
