This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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