you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
