Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I need help removing her.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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