Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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