Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
