Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize