i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
