If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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