I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
