we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize