I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
