You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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