I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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