Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
