I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
