i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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