i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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