Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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