He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
