But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize