What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
