Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
