how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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