I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
