evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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