Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
