My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
