Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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