are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
