K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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