i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
