I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
