the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize