They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
