I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Someone signed my nipple.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
