I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize