i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
